Family Law and National Divorce Day

Coacktales about Lawyers who are getting ready for National Divorce Day 2020.The first Monday in January claims National Divorce Day. 

Transcript

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okay, Rocks for a drink.

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We're back again for our third podcast, and we're so excited. I'm excited to be here with Lisa because she's excited because she just been having a place. She loves football playoffs going. We're talking, and we're here to talk about a family law. Last episode we talked about talking to a lawyer and family law, and how did we get here? And I want to talk about this because January 8th is divorced Day. Well, let's see, this year, National Divorce Day is the six. It's always the first

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Monday in January,

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I think, because after the holidays, people are just like, OK, we'll do this with the kids and then we'll go on Yeah, for the rest of their lives, practically. I mean, that's what I'm talking about with family law. It's so it's I hate to say it, but I feel like it's a racket. Sometimes I think it is, if they ever was about the family. Lawyers make the most money other than defense attorneys that because they just, you know, break you for every single cent. Yeah, and plus, they're the ones that make all the money. Like if you're selling your house. They will put a lien on your house so they could get their fees first. Before you get your profit, right? Exactly. I mean, you go there to have them help you, but there they really do a disservice to a family. And I think that that's where all the upset and the corruption and the hate and the anger goes against lawyer. Yeah, exactly. Then I gotta pay my lawyer, which I don't have money for because he's holding all the money. It's just a big vocal, and there's there's a way to do things in life. You can ignore it and pretend it's not happening. There's many many ways, but I think the most important way to get through anything is to be with it. Just be with what's happening and work. Work through it. I found out, like, for me, and I hope you'll advise people on. Sometimes I think you need an attorney to help guide you, but at the same time, I now prefer to just go to court on my own. Yeah, yeah, because after a while you start to learn the whole camp. It of what? D'oh! Yes. I think I would be great if we can tell them some tricks of not tricks, but advice on Have a navigate. Yeah, Yeah, family court. Because my attorney, of course. What I would say to me, You don't want to go to court because you just don't know what the judge is going to say or this that the other figured Yeah, you don't want me to because you want me to pay you 14 hour too, you know? Yeah. Basically work out a deal that I swear could have been worked out in seconds with the judge. But who knows? No, no, you're right, because I've had two lawyers, and actually, I had three. The 1st 1 was a man, and I was so ptsd freaked out about everything that he told me at the last minute. I'm gonna I can't be on your case. So once I was gonna take it, it was like, Oh, my God, I got to find someone else. So I used your trust. Yeah, I told him a story. You don't have to tell the story again to somebody, right? And pay for it. Great. So I if I was gonna do that, I wanted to do was somebody knew that I that I that I chose not someone that he just kind of threw my way. So then I went with her and she was great. You know, it gets to the point where you're they know your situation. They know you don't have money. They know that you're trying to get money from this person. At the end of the day, they're like, Oh, well, you can't pay me anymore because he's not giving you money, But that's your fucking job is to get you money and they're not getting their They're not getting for you. They're getting it for them. I remember being in a mediation and he was gonna give me some sort of leverage with my daughter or I don't remember. It wasn't important. The important thing was that but he offered my lawyer $10,000 he would pay her in this scenario. And I was thinking like and she was like, just take it, just take the offer just because she wanted the fucking money. That right is operating because the family love they dio It's a whole racket. So for me, it's like I know my ex still owes my attorney the $21,000. Yeah, which he hasn't paid. And she's not coming after me. And they're like, sitting here going, Well, he was gonna take responsibility. So why don't you go after him? Because I'm not gonna pay for it. That was the deal that he needed to pay for it. That's why this time to take into court for failure to pay alimony and child support for the past three years, I'd like to go to an attorney and have them rake up a $25,000 bill. 453,000 and back down to business together. Yeah, business together, too. So we have assets there that I feel. So why should you should that that that's where for me, the criminal wall needs to come in. You need to file a case because you were in business. It's embezzlement. He really fucked with your money. Oh, yeah, without And he's still doing, Obviously. I mean, and at times you also sit down and think I just don't want to deal with this. I don't want to see him. So let me walk away and you can't point But it's also Why should they get away with it? Yeah, you know, give up our lives to be with them. I mean, vice versa, too, with whatever it isyou know. But he seems to walk away with the charmed life, thinking that he doesn't have any responsibility. And Theo? Yeah, like if you fail to pay, nobody thinks about the fact that I've been kind enough not to put his ass in jail, take away his driver's license and his passport for not paying grand a court order. Right. Because you can just go to child support. And don't look here. This is that he hasn't paid and they will go after him. So explain that to your audience, because I think that's important. That's key to because I don't think a lot of you know that you can take that route. You don't have to go through. Your attorney is going to charge you left, right and center. Yeah. So yeah. Yeah. So there was one thing that, uh, I remember having to do. My second lawyer said, Just file, say thatyou heels you child support because he hadn't paid me in a couple of months. Like I literally didn't have any money. He was doing on purpose. And so I did. And honest to God, it was February the next year that we both got a letter saying Way just would be enforced if if he didn't start paying. And so you filed it. With what service? Just a Los Angeles County child support. Okay, in the courthouse that you go. No, you just call. You just call. You could go to the courthouse where I wouldn't suggest going to the courthouse. I would just call on Ben. They just take care of it for you, Really? They get all the information they have all the information on whoever you know, the name their Social Security number on. Then you just list wherever they were. I mean, like mine. I was is on a 10 99. So he worked with various companies. So I just list all the companies. Well, they haven't. They don't. It takes a while. That's why it was. I was surprised that in October of 2017 I called and filed, and not till February 2018 did it So And then, in July of last year, I just did this. Were enlisted the companies that he worked for. So who knows how long that will take? But because it takes, you know, there's so many people in the system, it's insane. I went to court there once. I couldn't believe how many people were just waiting in court, and it's like they don't want to pay. These men do not want to pay and I don't understand that. That's what I don't understand, and how they get away with it is beyond me. It's It's kind of disgusting, actually, I'm just wondering if they want to shrink, got their responsibilities and, you know, it's like both This is sorry talking simply No, that's okay. The thing is, is way. Both have our responsibilities with our Children, right? You're gonna go off to work and you're gonna work hard. Let's say it's the mail in my case, the mail, or you can call the female whichever one you want. I called Fluffy would go off to work, and then I would stay at home and run his business or go to the studio and run his business. But he didn't feel as though I was working mind you up at six in the morning taking care of a kid watching the kid, getting him ready, getting his breakfast, getting his lunch, then taking them off to school, then going over to my my ex husband's business and running his business and then coming home picking up my son at three o'clock, going home, taking him to all the playdates, doing all this stuff, going home, cooking dinner, getting everything ready, doing bedtime stuff, doing this and he comes waltzing home at, like, 8 p.m. At night. But I haven't worked. Yeah, I would much sometimes would rather Yeah, place is just so you could see how much work goes into a day of taking care of a kid. So now that we're divorced and I have a kid 98% of the time, why shouldn't you be financially responsible? Because I now have to get a real job outside, plus hire somebody to do all the stuff that I can't do because my job, yeah, yeah, you need to be compensated for that. And they don't think that you should be. I don't know why they do it. I always had a thing about that. I am needing to have that money to pay other people to be with them. I don't know. I wasn't sure what it was or to be with other women. I don't know what it was, but I know that the one thing I did really understand is that family law is doesn't doesn't really care about the money part as long as the kids are being taking care of. And that's a whole other. I wouldn't have minded my ex pay for nanny so I could go off work. Yeah, I agree. I got to do whatever he wanted to do. And I still had the constraints of taking care of the kid. And don't get me wrong. I love my son, and I love the time that I got to have with him. But you can't sit there and say You want me to work them. I try and work. You then say, But you gotta take care of Yeah, and then I can't really work. So what is it? Which one of you know, in my case, when I did get my jobs and I had to go out of town for work, he would all of a sudden I have to go out of town too. So then I'm sitting here going. I can't leave, because what am I gonna do? Just leave my son? Yeah. And then yours. Your time to take care of the kids. I'm here stuff, and you get to go off and make your money. But then you bitch at me and want to cut me out of my alimony and child support. Yeah, It's like your job is easily jeopardize that you don't have to. That's no big deal to them. It's like, too bad you have to I have to go to town. So you have to tell your employer that you can't make it. I lose my job because of that. And then here I am the loser, because I can't work. Yeah, I can't hold a job while I can't hold a job, motherfucker. Because you can't give me the time. Yeah, or take up your you know, part of the responsibilities and and take care of the kid. Yeah, you know, allow me my freedom in order to go do my life. Yeah, and so how do you know? How do we How do we get across toe everyone? Because it's so it's so vast, and I think that everybody has a different experience. But getting to the point where you are separating or divorcing, being strategic about it is so important. But I have to tell you, I've read so many things. Before I filed for divorce, I went and saw a mediator and the mediator said to me, I paid her $400 for a now our session, and when I called her back, I couldn't get in my I can't my bank account. So I called her back and I said, I can't even get in my account. I can't even pay you, right? Yeah, I can't I don't know what to do. You know, she didn't drop me. She gave me the best advice. She said, I'm gonna tell you something. If you're dealing with someone who's locking you out accounts and hiding money, Hey, doesn't want to mediate. He's gonna let you think that he wants to mediate, but he doesn't. He wants to prolong this as long as he can so that he could get all his hiding is in place, that he could get this cover, every cover, everything that he's been doing for the last, however long. It's like a dis assessment of marital assets where they just spend money. However, they want whatever they want And they'll Oh yeah, it's I looked at my statement stating Hamlet was on his gay holiday. You're going to all the gay pride weeks, you know, from Barcelona to Milan everywhere. And I'm sitting here struggling, figuring out how my gonna pay tuition when this creek, yes, going off in doing this stuff with no thought about what's going on at home. And now we're surviving. And then when he comes back, he's wondering why the hell I'm selling the house. Yeah, that's like it's a crime like I really believe it's a crime or stealing money from you. They're taking money from you and your child. So for me, it's like I I wish I was better prepared as faras. This was blindsided me, right, but had been better prepared. I probably would have don what some guys do to be quite honest with, liquidate the assets and take him and put him into a different account. There's a story that I just heard today from a neighbor of mine, where a guy front of his, uh, looked at his bank account of $150,000 were gone, and so is his wife. She took 150,000 and laughed. And this is just yet this week Get women do it to me. And he was freaked out and she was like, You're lucky it didn't take more. And at one point, I like thinking, Well, that was wrong of her to do it because you need to keep it all. They're separated accordingly. Yeah, but in my experience, men do tell time so good on her for Dan and make sure that she was gonna have enough there. And it's not like I'm suggesting going into your bank accounts. But you know what? That's okay, too, because they it's they do it so fucking sneakily. And prior. Sometimes it's almost like it's a part of the process of them wanting you pushing you to file for divorce or them doing it. Whatever it is, it's it's They started it months before it actually happens, I believe. Yeah, believe well, they've already checked out of the marriage. Yeah, I've gotten into the affair to me. That's them already leaving. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Fluffy my eggs. What he did was insane. I give him the house to stay at times like I'm gonna go to my mother's and let you stay at the house for the weekend, and then we'll come back. We'll separate our belongings. Well, I guess I really didn't need to be there when he decided what? Artie was gonna take one from turned everything, and he left me what? He thought I should have gone on. We were supposed to tag everything and let the attorneys decide what gets one. And still to this day, it's not like the attorney sat there went well, you actually have the more expensive piece of art. So you over x amount and I still feel is, though, that I lost, Remember what? And it's no fair system. No one that we want to be fair. I feel like it's so unfair to the woman and the guys are going to sit there. Picture I got of pain or out when you gotta pay this, I gotta pay that. It's like, Well, then you should have thought about it when you took your addicted, shoved it in somebody else's pussy. exceed general angle. Exactly. When my taste somebody else So true, it is really fucking true. That that was the price. Yeah, and it's like when I did a mediation both times I told my Lord, I don't want to do mediation. I've been told since before I filed for divorce. He doesn't want to mediate. Why are we going? I don't know. But they convinced, you know, you gotta go. It looks good. I don't care. I don't care about looking good. Yeah. So, honestly, I didn't care, because I would say the judge. I didn't go anyways. Long story short. I went Sure enough, it's just bullshit. It's all bullshit. And the mediator said, You know, you're you're young in your attractive, you can start all over. And I thought that was the most. And this is Santa Monica Isa, Santa Monica, California court, which I think is disgraced. Forget humans for women. She was so intense that may like I should start over. You could start over, and I thought, you know what? Why the fuck can he start over? He's the one with the job. He's the one that his stolen money hid money, gave it to friends, girlfriends, people he's worked with s so sorry in this, Meteo. Yeah, exactly. That's why I am telling you in criminal law, this in family law this isn't gonna fly. You have to go to criminal court and say that motherfucker is stealing from me. It is shocking. Sometimes marriage is like a business. Yeah, you are. You get together and decide you're gonna do this business called, you know, love. Yeah, marriage. And then you're gonna build these assets. And then, you know, when you have the corporation and you separate assets, they're all done, actually pretty amicably as much as possible. It can't be, but it's done correctly, but in family law, it's who legally different. It's like whoever can steal it first and whoever has the most money and whoever has the most money in hires the dry. The same mediator told me you're not going to come up here and explain that forensic accounting off this report. And I looked at her and I said, No, I'm not Well, then she said, Well, then you're gonna need to go and get a forensic accountant to come up here and explain it. And I thought Wow, that costs money. And that's exactly why I'm here, like so they know the whole process. And you know what? Let's just say that that's the truth. Even if that is the truth. What the way she said it to me or not. And I felt it was offensive. Whatever the point is, if that's the way it is a fucking family law, that's the problem. Well, I think because most women will lose because most women just wanna be, they just want to love and have a family. Research isn't looking for, well, you Blind Joe, but there are some cases that it do. You see where the woman screwing over the guy, and I know that's wrong, too. It's like when you start using a kid as a hostage because they haven't paid. That's wrong, and it's not fair to the kid. You really have to leave the two Yeah, out of it. It's really This is an argument that us adults need to have. The kids don't need to know about this and anything financial should be left out. Fluffy and his husband, with general in the general, decided to let my son know everything financially when we had it written into the agreement that they weren't allowed to and when nothing happened about and nothing. And so what happened is is it caused a lot of friction between my son tonight because yeah, my son gets to know things that adults should only know. This should not be privy to 16 17 18 year old or in the kit. And not only that is right. And not only that, they're telling it this this story the way they want. They want him to hear Yeah, the way that alienates you, its parent alienation. And that's another thing that we should talk about us. Huge way. Could do that next. Yeah, Pos is Yeah, it's a horrible thing for parents to do. And that's what leads when you do use a child as a as a bargaining. Yeah, that's not fair to either parent on. And, you know, when I was in court once sitting there because I sat and I would sit upon cases and listen and learn because I needed to learn how it was gonna fight. Yeah, that's good. That's good. That's a good tip. Yeah. Go sit watch and receiving the judge really wants to make sure that the kid is taking care. Yeah, and then when you have two parents just arguing at each other and having to me at police stations to do exchanges, they really put yourself in that child's position because he innocently is looking at two people that he loves and adores. Yeah, but yet yeah is going through and watching all this turmoil. And you're so much in this blinded fog that you you know, I didn't think of it with my son and either did my axe, right? It's and we really should have. And I was talking to our producer earlier about Children and how you know, even though you let's just say over the course of 10 years, you don't have to deal with your ex anymore. But the kids are still dealing with you and him, and they're still seen it every day. They're seeing the split every single day, and and they have no no platform for voice because they just have to do what Mom is doing our dad is doing. And they really they really get screwed. And family law does not do a good job with protecting no not at all because protecting a kid includes finance financially. Yeah, this is not just I agree with you. Like my ex was thinking that I was spending his enormous child support. And I'm saying this feel facetiously and alimony. My alimony wasn't spent on me. Every single kid, every single cent. I didn't know what it was like to buy a new pair of shoes, underwear, even underwear bras. Because I put everything into my kid's clothing. My kids, you know, music. His food is this is that? Yeah. Nothing went to me and I'd sit there and beg my my axe saying that I'm not buying anything. Nothing's coming from me. It sucks because you have to sit there and they want You shouldn't even have to prove it. Like I'm sitting here, you know? And Fluffy is driving around them. So sorry in a new Porsche, and you're just, like, going Are you frigging? Yeah, exactly. That that's That's the fucking worst thing. Because even with my case, I feel like I'm having to ask for money. That's mine. He says, Oh, the's air. All your charges. No, these are not my fucking charges. These air your charges that you wanted to do because you wanted to take responsibility for all the money. Hide it from me, take it away from me. Denied me access. So now it's your responsibility that comes up, that there's a big responsibility that comes with, you know, taking and withholding. Fine. You want to do that, do it. But you need to be fucking responsible about it. And you need to make sure that your your spouse is taken care of. And I'm sorry, but if your family law is concerned about the kids, you need to think about the parents, the mother of the Children who is left with nothing that is not healthy. That's not fucking healthy. To leave people with that feeling of Oh gosh, I have to start all over. I have to start all over. But he's out working, traveling, doing all these things, especially when you've been there, were married, I think over like 10. Yeah, right today society. That's a long time. Uh, if you're like married for a year or two yet, go start over. Yeah, for sure. Five years. Whatever. Go. Yeah, but when it's been a lengthy time and you've got 20 year old Children, you know? Yeah, that's been a lifetime. Yeah, it is a business. It's a visit, is You guys have acquired assets and you guys have, you know, it's family business, like the Mafia. It's like it's exactly like that. You know, E, that was building. I hired a painter, too. Take care. It's true. It is. It's family business. And to me, it's like the Mafia. I'm Italian and Spanish, and it's you know what? You stay true to your family. You fucking take area. Family? Yeah, area. It's like, yeah, way each other right now, or guys like War of the Roses. But you hate each other because of the lawyers. You hate each other because of the lawyers. I'm telling you. You Yeah, lawyer lawyer. Oh, yeah, I got his lawyer. Let's talk. Oh, yes, Let's do that. Let's Let's go on. Yeah, My my ex husband's lawyer told me recently that if I didn't take the deal that I was going to be left on the street, I told her you were the most disgusting woman. Yes, I said I would. As a woman, I would never, ever say that to another woman How dare you? And she said she kind of likes, smirked and giggle. And I said, You know, I got your number. To me, that is the most disgraceful thing you could do to another woman. They do it to intimidate. And the thing is, is, yeah, I hate dealing with my exes attorney. And now I'm gonna be taking my ex to court for the three years back. You know, like, I don't want to pay an attorney to do it. I'm going to do it on my own. I'll let the judge decided I want to talk to his attorney, but his attorney, which is fantastic. And I'm not gonna mention his name. And I feel really sorry for what happened to the other family. But he crashed his Porsche into a tree because he had a blood alcohol level three times the normal amount claimed his passenger. Oh, karma's a fucking bitch. Yeah, it is. This guy treated me so horribly, would call me at my work and made me lose. My job would be shaking after it, and I'm like, now car has gotten back. They will They will take advantage of you and say all these things and not even do and how dares personally, Unless if you have an attorney, don't deal with their attorney, just go to court. Yeah, that's the one thing I could say. Just go to court, have a judge talk. Yeah, well, the best thing to do, I think, is not deal with the family law attorney and just go another route. I'm not going to get my money from family Law. There's just no way I'm not going to get what I lost. And we were actually in a business together. He was in 10 99. I helped him with product for me. I just had to look a different way. Get very creative with looking, Don't you agree? Getting really creative in all areas? Because even though I was reading these, you know, do this, do that, do that. I still didn't do it. You have to go your own way, but just get his much information as you can. Yeah, there's a lot of support groups out there, too, for, um, women that are going through divorce. There's one that I actually really like, and I'll kind of like them. It's called divorce detox. Bond that really helps you go in and psychologically get your mind straight. Yeah. So that lets quite another bottle. Because this is a huge battle that going into, you know, there is no unconscious coupling. No, sorry, Gwen. I even like the veil. It just doesn't happen because your emotions are so Yeah, you know what? Help me. You don't help me. Was, um I went to an Al Anon. Yeah, meeting. And I was just immediately just felt love and care and support that helped me. I went to two, and I I really suggest going to an AL anon. I know they're not alcoholics, but there it's an addiction. Whatever is happening with them, I think you need money off the addiction of love. Yeah, the love addiction. But, you know, there's also resource is, too. If you can't afford an attorney, go to the courts. They have family law resource centers in there that you could go and talk to people, and they'll give you a plethora amount of information. The one with the courthouse here in downtown L. A on Hill Street. Yeah, that's Santa Monica has it towards. Okay, Center has those. So that helps a lot because they'll give you the forms. Tell you what you need to dio and you just gotta be strong and you've got to compartmentalize it. Yes, that's said so. You really have. I really have to think like a man in this case because they do. They have little boxes for everything. So with that being said, if you have any questions, please D m e thing. This is gonna go on for a long time. We need to talk about this more because I think that the kids suffer. I think that the parent alienation. Yeah, so thanks for joining us. We'll talk to you later, babe. See you later.